Hello, Good Evening and Welcome

My sad, deranged life has landed me in the land of the Aussie, believe me I know I've landed on my feet. This country is wonderful, the land is beautiful, the people are friendly, the wine is excellent. On the down side Everyone is buff, I mean everyone is fit and good looking, I have been sent to Hell. I know I have been sent to Hell because I have done something that not only did I vow never to do, but I used to take the piss out of other peole for doing. I have given up smoking and I have joined a gym AND I have taken up team sports. Worse still I'm enjoying it. I need to lie down.